Love is not love

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken

我不難過 | I'm not sad

歌詞 | Lyric
又站在你家的門口
Once again, standing in front of your door
我們重複沉默
We repeat our silence
這樣子單方面的守候還能多久
This one-sided waiting, how long it will last?
終於你開口向我訴說她有多溫柔
Finally, you start to tell me how gentle she is.
雖然你還握著我的手 但我已不在你心中
Though you still holding my hands, I'm not living in your heart anymore
--
我真的懂
I really understand
你不是喜新厭舊
You are not the kind to be fickle in affection
(You are not enamored with the new and bored with the old)
是我沒有 陪在你身邊 當你寂寞時候
It's me who wasn't by your side during times when you felt lonely.
別再看著我
Please stop looking at me
說著你愛過
And telling me you loved me.
別太傷痛
Don't hurt yourself too much
我不難過
I'm not sad
這不算什麼
This is nothing
(This doesn't count as anything)
只是為什麼眼淚會流 我也不懂
Only why the tears keep falling down, I don't understand either
--
就讓我走
Just let me go
讓我開始享受自由
Please let me start to enjoy freedom
回憶很多
There are many memories
你的影子也會充滿我生活
Your reflection are also full of my life
我並不懦弱 你比誰都懂
I'm not weak, you know that better than anyone else
雖然寂寞
Despite the loneliness
這會是我最後的寬容
This will be my last forgiving
(This will be my last gift for you)
--
終於你開口向我訴說她有多溫柔
Finally, you start to tell me how gentle she is.
雖然你還握著我的手 但我已不在你心中
Though you still holding my hands, I'm not living in your heart anymore
我真的懂
I really understand
你不是喜新厭舊
You are not the kind to be fickle in affection
(You are not enamored with the new and bored with the old)
是我沒有 陪在你身邊 當你寂寞時候
It's me who wasn't by your side during times when you felt lonely.
別再看著我
Please stop looking at me
說著你愛過
And telling me you loved me.
別太傷痛
Don't hurt yourself too much
我不難過
I'm not sad
這不算什麼
This is nothing
(This doesn't count as anything)
只是為什麼眼淚會流 我也不懂
Only why the tears keep falling down, I don't understand either
--
就讓我走
Just let me go
讓我開始享受自由
Please let me start to enjoy freedom
回憶很多
There are many memories
你的影子也會充滿我生活
Your reflections will also fill of my life
你比誰都懂 我並不懦弱
I'm not weak, you know that better than anyone else
雖然寂寞
Despite the loneliness
這會是我最後的寬容
This will be my last forgiving
(This will be my last gift for you)
--
抱緊我 再抱緊我
Hold me tight, hold me tight once again
這一份感動 請你讓我留在胸口
This moment of touching emothin, please let me keep it in my deep heart if you allowed
別再說 是你的錯
Please stop saying it is your fault
愛到了盡頭 是非對錯 就讓它隨風
When love has reached the end, whether right or wrong, just let it gone with wind
忘了所有 過的比你快活
Forget about everything, and try to live happier than you
--
我真的懂
I really understand
你不是喜新厭舊
You are not the kind to be fickle in affection
(You are not enamored with the new and bored with the old)
是我沒有陪在你身邊當你寂寞時候
It's me who wasn't by your side during times when you felt lonely.
別再說 是你的錯
Please stop looking at me
說著你愛過
And telling me you loved me before.
別太傷痛
Don't hurt yourself too much
我不難過
I'm not sad
這不算什麼
This is nothing
(This doesn't count as anything)
只是為什麼眼淚會流 我也不懂
Only why the tears keep falling down, I don't understand either
--
不要再說
Stop explaining
或許這是最好結果
Maybe this is the best outcome
現在分手
Breaking up now
總好過你不愛我一拖再拖
Is better than you not loving me anymore and dragging this out
鬆開你的手 離開你左右
Let your hands go, and leaving your life
我向前走
I'm walking forward
這 會是我 真正的解脫
This, will be my real liberation...

Maybe a better article to explain this song.

"Sense and Sensibility" - Sonnet 116 by William Shakespeare

I recently watched the movie "Sense and Sensibility" at the time I'm really upset and felt vulnerable like never ever before, then the poem that Kate Winslet whispered when she saw the house of her love just live around my mind like ghost followed.

So I searched and found it here.

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
--William Shakespeare

"I mostly associate this poem with Sense and Sensibility Though I can't find any mention of it in the book, so it must have been one of the things that earned Emma Thompson her Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar. "

I usually not a fun of Jane Austen, but when time passed by, I start to watch her stories' movie, like the story she wrote, like her. It is her unique style to tell people the story, the love she trust and she want to be. I didn't watch all of them, but the ones I have are Sense and Sensibility (1811), Pride and Prejudice (1813),  they both give me faith and courage at the time I need. I know that not every story will have happy ending, however, those happy ending one will make my heart warm. If the life is short, if the time is limited, we should try harder to look for our soul mate, when we find it, the life and time will be worth. 

I respect the belief, the courage, the strong heart and mind those characters have, and I will always learn from it and try to be a little closer gradually.

Will time, knowledge and love give me stronger mind and warmer heart. I shall never give up.

L. Q @ Chicago.

Jan 12, 2012

Twenty Eleven - Twenty Twelve

觉得也该用用日志功能了...

----非完全随意总结

Twenty Eleven

那一年，其实从失败开始，一零年的错误让我学到了很多。没有侥幸的事儿，请靠自己。

那一年，其实从意外开始，组织同学迎接胡主席到访芝加哥，那一阵儿忙碌的好像回到了大学。意外的有了与主席的合照。见到真人，真实地感觉到，其实，血肉之躯而已，身不由己之事又有谁能真的了解。真实地开始设身处地的理解他人。

那一年，无数次的将自己陷入绝境，数不尽的夜晚，数不尽的快餐，数不尽的Deadline, due day，也还好，有惊有险的都熬了过来。在6230中15楼的公寓里，不知看了多少次的日出与日落，雨雪风霜。

那一年，又经历了与室友的离别，那些从到美国开始一起经历过的所有，你走了 @应姿芝，就像一部分回忆也走了，不舍，但也想着，你回去一定会很幸福。于是，也渐渐地学会了要独自坚强。

那一年，熟悉了好多人，也陌生了好多人。也许电话的那一头永远不会知道，电话的这一头是什么样的心情。于是，也学会了自己承受，忍一忍，慢慢发现，也还好，都会过去。

那一年，快乐和痛苦的比例很失调，没有什么假期，什么Break，holiday全部在家proposal, paper, project, coding...。学生时代的最后一年，过的没有很潇洒，很多的压力都是自己给的，却真真切切的感觉到了自己的成熟与担当。想要的，就要自己去挣来，才有底气去活自己的人生。

那一年，不知喝了多少杯咖啡，以至于常常有各家店的Free drink。

那一年，搬了一次家，寻找房子的过程，更让人想要强大，有自尊有骄傲的活着。

那一年，坚持了四个月的慢跑与健身。

那一年，决定提前毕业。

那一年，在最后一个学期拿了TA和奖学金，逞强的接了院里最Tough教授的Advanced Programming Course，还不知死活地跟同一个教授和另一个Tough教授一起做Indepedent Study。回头想想惨不忍睹。

那一年， 给@朱玉洁做了伴娘，善良的人也一定会幸福下去。

那一年，最后的3个月，几乎没有任何假期，实习，面试，图书馆，行事历、工作列表满满的，与室友一周都照不上面儿，消失在朋友圈里。

那一年，建立了Loyola的中国学生学者联合会，体验了一回Founder的感觉，认识到，想到要去行动，才算做到。

那一年，无法离开Gmail，组织了很多次的Bible study，CSSA中有三百多条目的邮件。回复了新生很多的问题、留言，像当初被帮助时一样的庆幸和满足。

那一年，失去了一个亲人，也更加担心父母。"你成功的速度要快于父母衰老的速度"

那一年，不知道默默的哭过多少，写了多少自言自语的blog以此纾解，回头看看，不断反省。

那一年，犯过很多次傻，倒了很多次霉，也许是为了积累人品。

那一年，爱过一次，也痛过一次。

那一年，没有去过很多的地方，但尽量去感受每个经历过的角落，都是旅程，都是收获。

那一年，硕士毕业了，抱着绝不选水课的准则，折磨自己到了GPA3.83，密码学仍然是遗憾。

那一年，自己知道自己的能力，还有好多好多需要去学习，任何时候，不能掉以轻心，不然倒霉的绝对是自己。也许努力不一定有回报，但不去努力，连机会都没有。任何时候，不想做逃兵。

那一年，拿到了ThoughtWorks的Offer，不计数的被拒，也体验过拒公司的感觉。

那一年，最后的半个月，过得很痛苦，却也是成长的一部分。@钟山，谢谢你的陪伴。

那一年，就算再绝望，也都坚强过。

那一年，也跨年过。@孙婧萱 @钟山 @程鹏 @王亮

那一年，没有对自己太好过，于是，反省中。

Twenty Twelve

这一年，希望父母家人朋友和自己都健康平安。

这一年，希望未来的工作顺利，自己能够在专业上有成长，能够让家人朋友同事放心，担起该担的，承起应承的。

这一年，希望能有单反、Soul mate，然后去旅行，体验这个世界的美好。

这一年，希望各种签证顺利。

这一年，希望可以回国一次。

这一年，希望看到珍贵的朋友们幸福快乐。也许联系或多或少，可我一直惦念着你们，愿你们一切安好。

这一年，希望学会更好的安排时间，学会拒绝，学会更冷静的处理情绪。

这一年，希望更成熟些，干练些，坚强些。毕竟要25岁了，要认真的面对人生了。

这一年，希望自己悲催的英语可以好一点。

这一年，希望可以努力多一点点，离梦想近一些，有新的目标，有新的动力。

这一年，希望不会像这篇日志一样啰嗦的像个小孩儿。

这一年，会对自己好一点。

Be Strong.

2012.01.01  L.Q. @home, Chicago